Some Thoughts on Parenting Practically...(a.k.a. a Blog!)
Top 10 books I Talk about in Sessions!
Okay, okay… who has time to read? Not me, very often anyway. Is there anyone more hopeful than a mom with unread books strewn about the house, under the guise that there might be a quiet moment to pick one up? 100% me. But, when I DO have some time, or when I know a client has some time, there are the ones I’m finding really helpful right now! I’m a bit of a scanner myself (or podcaster! I’ve noted those too where that is an option!), so take what you need and leave what you don’t! Also, in the spirit of full disclosure… these are affiliate links! A nifty trick I’ve found to subsidize my own book buying.
1. Mel Robbins, Let Them. https://amzn.to/48vpIVq
Okay, okay, hear me out. Yes, I know she’s a bit commercial, and like, EVERYWHERE these days. And yet she is the most quoted expert in my sessions. Like, ever. I even refer to her as “well, My Friend Mel always says..” because that’s how she introduces herself on her podcast! (https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/the-mel-robbins-podcast/id1646101002). For reals, she is genuine and helpful and has some really really tangible and accessible strategies we can all benefit from. The idea is not to dismiss what others have to say, but to remember that, while we cannot control what others think or do, we can control our response to them. And that makes a real difference. Also her 5-second rule is great too! (https://amzn.to/3Mf7Wyl)
2. Russ Harris. The Happiness Trap. https://amzn.to/49YsCnZ
I am a big fan of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), and Russ Harris is a big contributor. I love this work because it really helped me to make applicable some of the CBT-type approaches that didn’t really make sense on their own. ACT helps us see we can’t always CHANGE what we think, but we can work on ACTING on these thoughts differently so that we stay closer to our values. There is also an accompanying workbook that’s kind of cool, if you’re into that kind of thing! https://amzn.to/4ax6t0d
3. Adele Lafrance and Ashley P. Miller. What to Say to Kids When Nothing Seems to Work. https://amzn.to/4iHehi4
I mean… who DOESN’T need this?? I use Emotion Coaching all the time and this book gives practical examples of how to apply it to the trickiest of things kids have to throw at us.. from “You love my sister more” to “Don’t make me go..” to my personal favourite “You’re stupid!”.
4. Peg Dawson and Richard Guare. Smart but Scattered. https://amzn.to/4iNQUn1
This is my go-to for parents struggling to understand and support their children’s ADHD. It helps it all make sense. And there are versions for Teens (https://amzn.to/3XEwTWi) and Young Adults (https://amzn.to/4pQztEO).
5. Daniel Amen, M.D. Healing ADD. https://amzn.to/44d2QZA
Okay, so I don’t love the title. I’m not sure “Healing” is the term I’d use, personally. But I have not listened to anyone better explain the brain than Daniel Amen. He’s good! And another examples of some great, tangible steps to help make ADD life a little better.
6. Eli Harwood. Raising Securely Attached Kids. https://amzn.to/4rCf7AP
I have to admit I have not actually read this book, but I follow her on Insta (https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/) and really appreciate her clear, concise approach and her focus on attachment security, which to me is the best place to lay focus in parenting. Simply that!
7. Anything by Dan Seigel.
This is a bit of a cheat entry because I just love Dan Seigel and can’t pick just one. I think my favourite is The Power of Showing Up (https://amzn.to/445SzhJ) but also The Whole Brained Child (https://amzn.to/3XxFqKH) and Parenting from the Inside Out (https://amzn.to/3MjQiJF). If you can ever see him speak live, do it!
8. Dr. Becky Kennedy. Good Inside. https://amzn.to/4rCgeAv
Honestly, I adore her. I found her voice a touch annoying at first, but she’s so real, and so smart. She has truly taken a step back from the “theories” and zoomed in on combining validation and gentle parenting with real boundaries, particularly for those kids that need it the most. Another great in-person speaker if she ever comes back to Toronto! (and a great podcast, too! https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/good-inside-with-dr-becky/id1561689671)
9. Glenn Boozan. There are Moms Way Worse Than You. https://amzn.to/48TE6YU
A bit of a giggle, but the perspective is important. Mom guilt is a real thing, and this helps us to speak a bit more kindly.. to ourselves!
10. Jonathan Haidt. The Anxious Generation. https://amzn.to/3MElymG
Another I have to admit I have not read, but I have listened to him speak on podcasts (https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/good-inside-with-dr-becky/id1561689671?i=1000650449476) and it’s scary but true that the teens and pre-teen crisis is real, and caused by exposure. I am not sure we can abide by zero exposure, but it’s a meaningful reminder about how we can support our kids to be be resilient and smart and better understood.
New Moms Support Group
No One Ever Told You It Was Going to Feel Like This...
Join us for our 6-week group for new moms. Topics include:
- Motherhood identity
- Relationships and Communication
- Self-care
- Post-Partum Depression and Anxiety
- Parenting
The group is formatted to allow new moms to gain information and support, but also allowing them a chance to talk about all the hard things.
The group runs in a stroller-friendly space at Danforth & Coxwell. Babies are welcome.
For more information or start dates please contact us.
The Art of Finding "Balance"... (April 2023)
All this talk about finding work life balance. Is it just me, or does just the term balance stress you out a teeny bit? I hear so many parents looking for the right balance to all the things we do. But sometimes it feels like “balance” means standing on one foot on a teeter totter holding fine china that belongs to the Queen and throwing knifes in the air trying not to kill yourself, while an elephant juggles on the other side of the totter and giant hungry alligators swim below you. No big deal.
While we search for balance, I wonder if we become our own worst enemies sometimes. We strive to do it all and make it all fit. Job success. Happy and busy kids. A clean and Pinterest-worthy home. A envy-inducing social life and a partnership that is solidified by exotic date nights every week. But somehow there’s always a piece missing, something out of place and that makes us feel less than.
I read somewhere in the World Wide Web (and please excuse as my mom brain and limited time for research has not allowed me to put my finger on the credits) something that really landed with me. What if, instead of it being about balance, we framed it about blend? Hear me out.
If we imagine that our lives are paint pallets instead of scales of perfection, then it might be about giving to part of ourselves that needs the colour at any given time. Work in a crunch period? Then our job gets a little more of us, but weeks later our families need more and the blend goes there. Some days we need to focus on self-care and our parenting might take a tiny hit, but that’s ok because later we blend more into giving our kids our all while work and social lives take a back seat for a beat. It in fact becomes not about always staying on a precarious balance, but rather about tipping in the right direction when it is needed.
For me this was a huge relief to think about, and it fit way better than the strive for balance. Sometimes we need a different mix and we do what we need at any given moment, and that’s a good thing. It doesn’t make us unbalanced failures, it makes us human. And gives us space to be imperfect. Maybe you don’t get the time to look beautiful for school pick up, but you feel confident you’ve given what you’ve got at any given moment in the part of life that needs it the most. And maybe, just maybe, you then grow kids who know that making mistakes happens and have learned from you how to be compassionate towards the self. Now, wouldn’t that be nice?